Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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