Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
