If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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