I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
