things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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