My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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