OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
