my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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