Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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