The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
