Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
