My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Dear god my vagina.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
