This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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