Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
