I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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