I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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