It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
