Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
