Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
