She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Ladies don't puke and tell
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
