I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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