Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
