I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
