I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
handjob tips. give me some.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
