she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
