Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
