So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
