the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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