had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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