No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
