if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I wish there were birth control emojis
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
