That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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