Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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