you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
