4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
