You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
All the doctor said was why
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
