that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
