I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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