well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
