btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
