I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
