My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
