I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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