I accidentally had phone sex last night
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
