if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
