Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
