we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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