Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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