i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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