Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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